One of my favorite pastimes has always been sticking it to the man. There’s just something about it that seems to invigorate and lift my sprits like nothing else can, well except for cocaine. That however is neither here nor there.

My obsession with sticking it to the man has been evident ever since I was a young child. I remember being fascinated in my youth by the book The Anarchist Cookbook. Of course I never did any of the stuff that’s in the book, but just knowing about it was enough at that point. As I got older, that ended up not being enough.

My man sticking desires still exist today, but they’ve become much tamer. Take yesterday for example. On Monday’s at all the Duffy’s Sports Grills around town they have a promotion where if you have an MVP card all the entrees are $9.99. Now this is a hell of a bargain. Unfortunately for me, my favorite thing to get there is the Chicken Tenderloin Platter which checks in at $10.99 normally. Getting that on Monday it seems like a waste because you’re only saving a buck when you could get something like the full rack of Baby Back Ribs and save 6 or 7 dollars. So even though I want the chicken tenders and know that will make me happiest, I still don’t want to order it because then I feel like I’m getting screwed.

Isn’t the whole point of going out to eat so that you can get what you want? If there were no prices on the menu than I would order the chicken tenders no problem. Mainly because I think Park Ave’s ribs kill Duffy’s any day. There’s something though about Monday nights that makes me want to order the most expensive thing so that in my mind I’m sticking it to them the most. Who knows, their profit margin might even be bigger on the ribs anyway, I have no clue.

I did end up getting the chicken tenders, but I got them saucy and with blue cheese. Which normally costs an extra 99 cents, but I got it for free because I’m the man.

Another example happened this very morning. For those not in the loop today was free pastry day at Starbucks. If you were friends of theirs on Facebook or get their e-mails then you got a link to a coupon that you could either print out or bring up on your cell and show them today for a free pastry with your drink before 10:30am. I of course took this as an opportunity to get those bastards twice for it.

Sticking it to Starbucks for some reason is extra sweet, I guess it’s because they get me for a ridiculous amount of money every month. I wouldn’t even want to add it up, its scary, and I’ve even cut back a whole lot. Today, I got a small piece of my revenge on those Seattle smart asses. I went at 8:30 this morning to the one on Northlake while on my way to my probation meeting (that’s a story for another day, stay tuned). I got a free sweat bread with my normal solo venti no whip white mocha frappuccino (yes, I know it’s not the manliest of drinks, but fuck it). Afterwards I stopped at home on the way to work.

While at home I was relaxing for a few moments when I looked at the watch and realized that if I left right that instance I could stop and hit them again before work. I zipped on over to PGA and got another frap and a cinnamon roll. I walked out of there with a big smile on my face thinking of all the money that I had saved this morning. The ridiculousness only hits me when looking back at it. I still spent twice the money that I normally used to (I don’t even go every day anymore). I now realize that not only did I not really stick it to Starbucks, in fact I fell right into their trap.

My last instance is going back a little ways. It happened around when I went to rehab for the 2^nd time out in Baton Rouge, LA. I completed treatment there and decided to come back to Florida and move into a sober living facility. I got out of the rehab and they dropped me off at the airport.

I was dying to get a drink, but the bastards of course had left me with absolutely no money. I couldn’t even have gotten a soda at a vending machine if I wanted. So I’m miserable and board my plane. I had an aisle seat of course because I love to put my legs out. On my way back to my seat I noticed that the stewardess was standing by my seat. When I got there she informed me that my choices were either to sit in my assigned aisle seat next to two children, or switch to the middle seat that their mother had so she could sit with her two kids. Now I know I’m a nice guy so this was really no choice for me, of course I’m gonna let her switch seats with me. I hate middle seats, but I can deal with it.

There I am sitting in my middle seat just minding my own business when 5 minutes later the stewardess comes back and tells me that she’s sorry but I’m going to have to move again. I find it odd, but I just kinda sigh and say whatever. She starts walking and I follow her. She keeps going and I realize that she’s moving me up to first class. Money I think, for once in my life being a nice guy has finally paid off. Its my reward for all those times I was the nice guy like a complete jackass and the dumb blonde I was hitting on ended up fuckin the asshole.

After I sit down in my still uncomfortable yet plush by comparison chair, I have a revelation. This was all God’s plan. Here I was lamenting the fact that I couldn’t get a drink and what did the big fella do but plant me in the one place where drinks are free. I immediately call the attendant over and get a rum and coke. I had just left rehab and was going straight from the airport to a sober living facility, but what did I care, it was all part of god’s plan. I managed to down 4 rum and cokes on the short flight from New Orleans to Atlanta where I was switching planes. Those drinks were the best tasting drinks I think I’d ever had. Not only had I not had a drink in a long time, but they were also free. It was also a double sticking it to the man, because not only were they free due to being in first class, but I had not paid for the first class upgrade either.

Upon landing in Atlanta I was presented with a dilemma. Here I was a raging alcoholic who hadn’t had a drink in 2 months before that plane ride, and I was stuck with no money in the airport. Once again I was pissed. Then I got on the plane down to West Palm and I was back in coach like a schmuck. No one there was any the wiser to what I had done, but that is really neither here nor there.

Now I don’t really know exactly where this strange fascination within me has come from. I know its not that I’m a cheapskate or anything, because I waste money left and right. I grew up in Palm Beach for Christ sake. There’s just something so sweet about getting something for free or less than what the other losers have to pay for it. I think that’s really just part of being American, kinda like blowing shit up.

I have an addiction and it consumes me. The difference with this one is that my friends only throw more wood on the fire, my sober friends especially. My addiction is to the booking blotter search on the Palm Beach Post’s website. Every day you can go to the Palm Beach Post’s website, and right at the top they have the new arrivals at Palm Beach County jail button. There you can scroll through all the mugshots of the most recently people arrested in Palm Beach Country. It’s so awesome.

I’d like to applaud the brass at the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office as well. Our county is one of the few in the country that has this short of program going that makes it this easy to access all the mugshots. If this is the kind of stuff that my taxes are going to, then its cool with me. Just don’t waste it on useless stuff like paying the officers high enough salaries so we could actually get people that have completed the 6th grade.

There are so many things about it that are so interesting. If your into seeing the craziest looking bums, you can find it there. If you are into trashy skanks, those are plentiful as well. If your into seeing the freakiest hairdos or face tattoos, this is your one stop shop. However, my favorite is looking for people that I know. Living in and out of different halfway houses for the past 3 years, I get to see former residents all the time. This past week there was a stretch where I saw a former resident 3 days in a row, that’s my longest streak.

I get excited like a little schoolgirl every time I see somebody I know or used to know I should say. This could be because there’s a dark part of me that takes a perverse pleasure in others misfortunes. That might very well be the case, I think we all do to some extent. There’s no way you can’t laugh a video of someone getting hit in the nuts, that has always been and will always be comic gold.

However, I don’t think that’s the real reason that I like the booking section so much. I think its my only real outlet for breaking any news these days. I went to Journalism school at UF, and of course you always learn the high value of being able to break the story. Everything I write about these days is old news, some other jackass has already hit it before me. When I see someone that I knows booking photo, I immediately get on the phone to call other people that know them or I walk around the property here telling other people about it. Its not the gossip girl in me dammit, its the investigative journalist!

Just the other day I saw somebody I knew on there, and I immediately hit the phones. I called up a former roommate of his that’s still a good friend of mine, we’ll call him LAST ACTION HERO. Now on the Post’s website you can only see their picture, name and the charges. You gotta delve a little deeper and head over to the Palm Beach Country Sheriff’s Office website, and type in their name in the search, to find out if their still in jail or have been released and other info like that. So I call up LAST ACTION HERO and give him the news, we talked about it for a while and then nonchalantly at the end, he slips in there that I’m the 2nd person to call him about it. I didn’t say anything, but inside I was dying. I got scooped by somebody else and it sucked. I felt like a complete loser, who the hell wants to be 2nd with anything. As Ricky Bobby always said “If you ain’t first, your last.”

Sure, I was able to tell a lot of other people about it, and they all thought that I was the first one with the story. Inside however, I knew it was all a lie. I may have been laughing it up, but if you looked closely you could definetly see the tracks of my tears.

It was that day that I realized that breaking the news of acquaintances arrests in a double edged sword. The more people that I tell about it, the more people that are going to try and hop on the booking photo addiction bandwagon. It’s my cross addiction, and I want it all for my self. I know that there are other people out there that are also big  fan’s of it, but I don’t want any one in my inner circle of friends to get in on it. Up to this point its been all basically fringe players that have been arrested, but I just dread the day when a major player in the world of Frank Fitton is up there and somebody else scoops me on it. If that ever happens I’ll have to just hang it up.

An interesting side note on it, is that yours truly did make an appearance there on February 28th for a DUI. None of close friends ever saw it until I brought up the fact that you can search back on the PBSO website for up to a year. Then of course they hall had to look it, I don’t really care after all it is my life and my life’s an open book. Ya’all can go ahead and check it out too. When it happened though I was back in AA at Oasis about 10 days later, and I saw BROOKLYN JOE there. He came up to me and warned me “stay offa my computer”.

I’m a big time Survivor fan. Its my favorite show ever and has been since season 1. I feel a special attachment to the show since I’ve been there since day 1. My viewership has actually slaked a little bit these past couple years as my A.A. home group is the Men’s 5th Tradition and it meets on Thursdays at 8:00pm. The exact same time as Survivor. I’m committed to that meeting and since its my favorite meeting, I make a sacrifice. It’s almost Survivoresque the fact that in order to win I have to be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. I have slipped up a few times and ditched the meeting in order to watch Survivor, but not that many times. I basically see it coming down to 2 options for the future. Option 1 is I get a DVR so I can watch it whenever is convenient for me. Option 2 is that I slowly work my way up the hierarchy of the meeting and then rally enough support to get the meeting time moved up to 6:30.

I see a lot of parallels between my life and Survivor. I’ve even contemplated getting a Outwit, Outplay, Outlast tattoo but have yet to pull the trigger. My favorite person in the world of Survivor, is of course Jeff Probst. That guy is the fucking man. If I could have any job in the world, I would take his job. Its the greatest thing. You come swooping in on a helicopter like some golden god carrying chicken wings that people are just going to lose their minds over. The man even got two super hot chicks to get butt ass naked for some peanut butter. That man has power, and I crave power.

Now the reason I’m writing about this today is to talk a little about my favorite contestant of all-time. It might seem like an odd choice, and if you know anything about the show you already know who it is from the title of this piece. Today on Yahoo I saw a story entitled “Judge denies Richard Hatch’s “Survivor” reunion”, and I must admit I shed a tear. I’m a huge Richard Hatch fan. That guy was the man. He was such an enigma and full of contradiction that you never knew what he would do next. He was flaming gay and walked around the camp naked and flabby, just for the sheer effect of discomfort it evoked from the other people. No one else could really play the mental aspect of the game against him cause they were so distracted by his nakedness. At the same time though, he was a hell of an outdoorsman. He might seriously be the top gay spear fisherman in the world.

If you haven’t seen him in action you should do yourself a favor and go out and get Season 1 to watch it. Hatch over course won the grand prize, and will forever go down in Survivor history as the first Ultimate Survivor. Then after winning it, in total bad ass fashion he “forgot” to pay any taxes on the 1 million dollar prize. Its as if he thought “I’m Richard Motherfuckin Hatch, I don’t pay no stinkin taxes”.

So I’m sad to hear that the judge won’t allow Richard to leave the country to go to the Survivor Reunion. I don’t really understand why. I mean could they possible think that he’s a flight risk or something. The guy’s gonna be followed by cameras everywhere. He’s even served all his jail time and is now on home confinement. It seems as if the judge doesn’t want to see him dominate, like he knows he would.

He also bears a striking resemblance to the Most Interesting Man in the World from the Dos Equis commercials, hmm, maybe they based that on Richard Hatch.

So cheers to you Richard Hatch, my favorite gay naked man of all-time.

I live in North Palm Beach, FL currently which is just a little bit north of Palm Beach, FL where I grew up, hence the name dumb ass. Anyway, here in Palm Beach country our paper is the hard hitting, never sleeping, thought provoking, Palm Beach Post. Today, I came across a very intriguing article entitled “Gun falls, bullet injures woman in bathroom stall”. The title pretty much says it all, but in case you need some explanation…

Authorities say a bullet from a gun that was accidentally dropped injured a Tampa woman sitting in a bathroom stall.

Police say the bullet hit 53-year-old Janifer Bliss in the lower left leg. She was taken to a hospital with minor injuries.

Bliss was sitting on the toilet in a hotel bathroom when a woman in the next stall accidentally let her handgun slip out of her waist holster. The weapon discharged when it hit the ground.

Police say the gun belonged to 56-year-old Debra Monce who has a concealed weapons permit.

I just thought the shit was mad funny. Can you imagine just sitting there on the shitter doing your business and getting shot, haha. I know that whenever I’m doing my bizness in a public restroom, which is extremely rare as it has to be a situation where I’m pretty much already touching fabric, I get annoyed when someone enters the stall next to me. It’s like what the fuck here we are two people that don’t even know each other and we’re taking a shit with only about a 1 inch thick piece of plasterboard separating us.

I know it’s different for women, since they have to go into the stall for everything. Still, I hate it just the same when someone is using the urinal next to me. If its a two urinal setup, and somebody is at one, I’ll go piss in the stall. I don’t want to use the urinal right next to someone either. The only times I do are in situations where the bathroom is absolutely packed constantly  such as a sporting event, a busy bar, the mall at Christmas time, or a casual Mexican restaurant.

This reminds me of some other interesting incidents I’ve had in bathrooms.

I remember one time when I was at Chilli’s or Friday’s or one of those places their all the same, and I was taking a piss and this guy came and sidled right up in the urinal next to me in a at least 5 urinal setup. I was annoyed and though what the hell is this guy’s problem. Then he did the unthinkable, he started talking to me. He had a cowboy hat on I remember cause he said “howdy partner” and then proceded to ask me how my day was going. Now I don’t know if this is a Texas thing, I’ll have to ask SLAYER, but where I’m from you don’t make small talk at the urinal.

Another time I remember walking around the corner into  the bathroom at the Gardens Mall and seeing a kid who must have been about 10 years old and he had dropped his pants completley to the floor as was at the urinal bareass to the world. Now I immediattly turned to avoid the urinals and head toward a stall, but there was that huge bathroom mirror with his bare ass all over it. Now this just ain’t right, doesn’t this kid have anyone to teach him about what is acceptable. Nevermind the fact that it’s inconsiderate to others, but what about the hygenic aspects of it. His pants are sitting directly on a mall bathroom floor, how disgusting can you get. Furthermore, there he is bare ass to the world at a mall, perhaps the biggest pedophile hangout around. I even have a friend, HOBE PLAYBOY, who dress up like a pedophile and goes to the mall just for his own shits and giggles at people’s reactions. He’s even been asked to leave by security before.

Now let’s get back to our woman in Tampa. So here she is either pissing or shitting, oddly it doesn’t say, minding her own buisness. Then some other woman enters the stall next to her, drops her knickers causing her gun to fall out and hit the floor. Once again this seems like something that should happen in Texas, cause I don’t imagine too many woman around here walking around with guns in holsters. Anyway, the gun discharges and hits our friend in the leg. Now the paramediccs have to be notified and come and get this partially undressed woman to the hospital. I wonder if she finished. I imagine that if your in the middle of taking a shit and get shot. That immediattly causes all the remaining shit in your system to immediattly flush, that’s just my guy feeling. If your taking a piss on the other hand, I think it would stop in midstream and be quite painful. Then again, I’m no doctor.

I’ve been thinking there are some general things to know about me before we get started here. I think these basic bits of info will go a long way to making this whole experience more understandable to you civilians.

First off, I’m 28 years old and currently live in North Palm Beach, FL. I went to the University of Florida and studied Journalism. I’m a huge Gators fan and support them in all aspects of life. I’ve been told I’m a huge homer, but I feel with my journalistic background I’ve been trained to be completely unbiased. UF just happens to be the best at so many things, it can be taken for bias by the non gifted.

I’ve also been to rehab quite a few times. Currently I’ve been sober since 3/01/09 and haven’t gambled since 11/19/08. I go to recovery meetings for both fellowships. I also currently live in a halfway house. Its certainly not what I’m used too (chaotic drug and alcohol induced craziness) or what I grew up on (Palm Beach snobbery and narcissism). All in all though, it ain’t too bad.

Some of my favorite people: Tim Tebow, Paris Hilton, Kobe Bryant, Johnny Rotten, Billy Idol, Richard Branson, Tyler Durden, Erin Andrews, Charlie Sheen and such (you get the picture). I’m big into all things celebrity. I’m not scared to admit I watch a whole lot of E! and TMZ.

I currently work for a financial company running their social network marketing department. So basically I’m blogging and on twitter and things all day there. So naturally I want to come home and do pretty much the same thing.

I’m sure a lot of other things will come to light as this strange trip progresses. That’s a good starting point.

So I decided to start this blog just because I thought some people might enjoy my own shits and giggles. I pretty much rock and think the world should have access to all the great stuff I think about on a daily basis. With this blog I both intend to cure the world of sickness and disease while at the same time establish a loyal following of groupies and hanger on’s around the country. It should at the least be entertaining, and most likely will fall someplace in between.

I do have a job I work at during the week as well, so I’m not really sure how much or little time I will get to devote to this blog. It’s all pretty much just up in the air right now.

There will be stuff about sports, movies, music, celebrities, local news stories from around the country, and simply a grab bag or hodgepodge of all sorts of other stuff. Of course it’s all gonna be interesting.

I feel confident that if you stop by you’ll enjoy yourself and keep coming back. Pretty soon you’ll be come addicted and it will eventually ruin your life, so tread with caution. When you lose your job and girlfriend due to the insane amounts of time you spend on here, don’t come running to me. I ain’t your momma.