For those that don’t know, while this blog is quite marvelous and enthralling nonetheless it does not pay the bills. So I also have a day job working for a 3rd party vendor slanging product inside of Costco in Palm Beach Gardens, FL. If your ever there, feel free to come and say hi if you can find me.

Today was quite the exciting day at work. Not in the same making money and selling sense as Black Friday, but exciting. For once the excitement didn’t center on my area. Rather, it was because my good friend Mr. Donald Trump was stopping by to sign his new book Time to Get Tough: Making America #1 Again. Sorry Mr. Trump, I don’t plan on reading it, but I have always had a strange affinity for you. Maybe it’s the hair, maybe it’s the attitude, maybe it’s the hot blonde daughter; the Donald has always held a special place in my heart.

The Don was supposed to be there to sign his book from 2:30 – 4:00. Naturally for a man of his stature he arrived fashionably late. In comes Mr. Trump at around 2:45 in a classy suit as always and a bright orange tie. The hair was flowing majestically in the breeze from the industrial size air vents in the store, it was stunning. He had to walk right in front of me to get to his area and part of me actually thought he might stop and say hi. After all, we have met quite a few times. Growing up in Palm Beach I’ve had the chance to hob nob with the Don a little bit. Unfortunately, all I got was this sort of half smirk half wink thing that I couldn’t even recreate if I tried. I think he probably did recognize me, but knowing that I’ve fallen on some rougher times since we last met, he probably didn’t want to put me out or make me feel embarrassed. That’s just the kind of guy that the Don is.

The people had been assembling there probably since 1pm and there was quite the crowd awaiting the arrival of the man. There was a mix of all sorts there. One of the first guys in line was wearing this strange sort of Payne Stewartish golf outfit that I’m not quite sure exactly what the message was he was trying to convey. There was also this semi Milfish blonde in her 40′s with her two sons that had gone all out, heavy makeup, high heels short skirt. She was really trying to impress the Don. Sadly, I saw her leaving by herself later on. Hopefully he at least got her number. Another guy was there who calmly stood without moving for the duration of the signing holding a Trump for President sign.

There have been rumors about a Trump run for President for the last couple years; it was even featured on this blog. This signing might just show that he does in fact still have those types of aspirations. I don’t really see it happening this year, although in 4 more years who knows.

The location of the signing though is quite puzzling. My sources at the store indicated to me that it was the first book signing in the history of the location. I can’t imagine the PR team of Mr. Trump sitting around thinking about locations and somebody deciding to throw out the Costco in Lake Park. I believe his only other signing is tomorrow at another Costco up in New York I believe, but don’t quote me on that. I’d hate any of you to feel pissed about missing out on this one and make the trek up there only to be let down on my account. Do some research ya selves.

Mr. Trump sat there and graciously signed and signed. He more than made up for his tardiness by staying well past his appointed hour of departure. There was one of those I think I’m techy guys annoying me  talking about products that I know he’s not going to buy who decided at 4pm that he wanted to go get a Trump book. I prayed that the wayward individual would be too late, but the dam Don being his gracious self even was able to sign that guy’s book. I know because he came back with it in tote and pestered me with more technology bullshit for another half an hour before getting a phone call and leaving without making a purchase.

All and all it was a cool thing to be a part of. I’ve always been one who loves to observe exactly how us as Americans, or even the funny people on vacation from Manchester, England that left with books, react to celebs and situations. It didn’t really do much for my sales endeavors due to the fact that people were there for the Don and actually had to be diverted away from my location if they planned on actually coming there for shopping. There were a lot of those people too who had no idea that Donald Trump was going to be there. I can only imagine the chaos that might have ensued if they had actually advertised this thing a little.

One his way out the door Mr. Trump gave a wave to the kiosk, whether it was at me or at another employee is something that is under dispute currently. Readers of this blog though know who the wave was aimed at I’m sure. The Don then got into his waiting Maybach and floated away off to do hoodrat things with his friends or something like that.

Here’s to you Mr. Trump for bringing a little excitement to what might have been just another dreary old Saturday on Northlake in Lake Park. Come back anytime, but next time why don’t we talk some business. I know you’d be amazed at some of the deals that I could swing for you. I’d love to show you the real Art of the deal. Stop on by Mr. Trump, I got you anytime!

Every day it seems the possibility of a Donald Trump run for the presidency of the United States in 2012 is becoming more and more of a distinct possibility. Yes, that Donald Trump. He of the horrible comb over and the over hashed theatrics of The Apprentice, could very well be the next President of the United States.

Now I’ve always been I guess you could say a fan of Mr. Trump. The guy spends time in Palm Beach where I grew up and even came down and took pictures with me and my friends at Mar-a-Lago before our senior prom in High School. A night seemingly where everybody ends up getting laid, except for me of course because I proceeded to get drunk and basically be non functional. Thinking of the money I wasted on that dam Navigator limo and Valentino tux I only wore  one other time still pisses me off, but that’s a whole other blog post for another time. Back to our friend the Donald.

While its still early in the game for the 2012 election it seems obvious at this point that Mr. Trump will be running for President. An article in the Huffington Post today entitled “Donald Trump Postive Rating Higher Than That Of Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty” even points out that at this point the Donald is the favorite over these much more seasoned politicians. This to me is simply crazy. I mean sure Mr. Trump is well known around the country, but the guy has absolutely zero experience at all politics wise. He’s known as being a great businessman, but even that is somewhat of a farce. He basically just knows how to make money when you have money, and that really doesn’t take too much of a genius in my book. Last night a good friend of mine was telling me how if Mr. Trump had just taken the money he inherited and put it with a financial planner rather than manage it himself he would have been worth about 9X what he is worth right now. Now this friend of mine is an Eastern European drug addict who was stuffing hot wings into his mouth at the time, but I still have complete faith in his statistics.

Now granted there would be some benefits to having Donald Trump as our next President. I’m sure Saturday Night Live would have a field day with that one. There would be a skit involving the President on basically every week I can guarantee. Whatever one of the cast is lucky enough to land that gig will sure be loving the notoriety. Even if Trump simply is in the running we should get quite a run out of that. The Daily Show too, I’m sure their licking their chops. Yet, while we’re laughing at our President, which is acceptable, I don’t think we need the other countries laughing at us. While Donald may command respect to his face, he certainly already gets snickers behind his back. I know I for one don’t want those dam French jackasses making fun of our President.

Another benefit to having Mr. Trump would be the hottest first daughter in the history of the White House. What can I say Ivanka has it going on and I think she would be wonderful in that department. While they both did get a Wharton Business School education, Ivanka just seems to me to have more going on upstairs than her daddy. Then again I always tend to give leggy blondes the benefit of the doubt so I might be being a little bit unfair here. Donald’s current wife Melanie would probably being the hottest first lady in the history of the White House as well, what can you say about that one except chicks dig dude’s with money.

While he might be the favorite to get the Republican nomination at this point. Its obvious that 2012 is not really looking all that good for the Republicans at this point. That’s probably the reason that so few people have announced any intention to run. People it seems are hesitant to even announce that their thinking about throwing their hats in the ring. It would probably take a major meltdown, Charlie Sheenesque perhaps, for President Obama to not get reelected in 2012 in my book. However, if his sentiment does fall so much in the next year and a half, look out. If people are looking for a change from Obama, then Trump is about as far towards the other spectrum as you can get. While Obama might not be very high up in the running for the blackest man in the country, I think Trump could be a serious contender for the title of whitest man in the country. He might even give Wayne Brady a run for his money in that race.

Mr. Trump has never been one to shy away from publicity so I’m pretty confident that his decision to formally announce his candidacy is merely a formality at this point. He did purchase a Boeing 757 the other day, cause that 737 he already had is just sooooooo last week, which seems a likely move for the travel he intends on doing while campaigning. I’d look for him to try and milk the announcement for everything its worth and boost the ratings for his upcoming Celebrity Apprentice show. Whether its a good idea or not is a trickier question. Good idea for him I’d probably say so. The publicity alone makes it worthwhile in his book. Good for the United States, that’s where I’d have to bring my good buddy Lee Corso in to say “not so fast my friend”.

So it’s been almost a year since I’ve written anything on here and for that I apologize. My life has been kinda a mess and when I’m not right my writing usually slacks. Things are getting back centered now and to commemorate this achievement I decided to write about a fellow who’s year has been kinda similar to mine, everyone’s current guilty pleasure Mr. Charlie Sheen.

Now unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple months, your well aware of Mr. Sheen’s current situation. I mean I swear the other morning I turned on the TV and he must have been on 6 different channels at the same time. I don’t even think the President’s State of the Union address gets that kinda coverage. Let’s face it, Charlie Sheen is hot as fire right now. I think even the Dos Equis guy would agree at this point that Charlie Sheen is actually the real most interesting man in the world. The more amazing part is he’s this scalding for basically being out of his mind. Now normally the whole American phenomenon of loving to watch train wrecks leads to a fairly short lived period of fascination, Sheen’s however is showing remarkable staying power. Just last night Dateline NBC devoted an entire episode to the people’s favorite raving lunatic.

Charlie Sheen has captured the heart of this country. Lots of people love him, lots of people hate him, but one thing you can be sure of is that hardly anyone is indifferent towards him. The other day I went over to visit my great grandmother and there was Charlie Sheen on the TV in her room. Now this woman is 96 years old and doesn’t even speak English. No worries though, our good friends at Univision had her covered.

Now this is a guy were talking about here who already had the most popular sitcom on television and his popularity is increasing everyday. Yet those executives at CBS decided to pull the plug on that show, at least for this season. Sheen of course did not take that lightly and has embarked on an epic media blitz denouncing both CBS and the show’s creator Chuck Lorre (or the “earthworm” or “maggot” as Charlie lovingly refers to him). CBS faced with all this negative publicity has caved in a little to Mr. Sheen’s demands agreeing to pay the crew for 4 of the remaining 8 episodes, but the station is mostly sticking to its guns. This to me seems inconceivable. Can you possibly imagine the ratings a new episode of Two and a Half Men would get right now, I mean we could be talking Super Bowl like numbers.

The real question here is how long can Charlie keep on the front page and first news segments? I think that the time is coming for him to crank it up a notch here. Now I know that he only has one gear, GO, but there has to be different levels of go. This popularity can not keep up at the ridiculous pace its on right now. While he was the star of the #1 show on television, Mr. Sheen didn’t even have a Twitter account. Last week he decided to start one and had over 1 million followers the very first day. That was a record growth pace for Twitter that even President Obama didn’t have when he started his account. As one of my good friends always says “It’s way better to have a million friends than a million dollars”.

My advice to Charlie is to embark on a one man show tour across this country. He could sell out arenas in every major city and in every big college town. People would be lined up right now to listen to Charlie just do what he does live. The merchandise sales alone would be staggering. Having lived in Gainesville, I know that he could pack the O’Connell Center no problem. The University also couldn’t have any problem with him being there, because after all Mr. Sheen’s is not on drugs and has the tests to prove it. He has personally validated my long standing claim that you don’t have to keep doing drugs to keep your crazy.

I could also guarantee that the next day at class everyone would be walking around with shirts emblazoned with any of the vast multitude of new catchphrases that Mr. Sheen was injected into the fiber of America’s current being. “Winning” shirts would be flying off the racks. “Tiger Blood” hats would be covering up everything from dreads to bald spots across the country.

This tour would also give Sheen a platform to crank up the pressure on CBS even more. Imagine if he got up before a packed crowd of drunken college students and told them “Now when you guys go back to your dorms tonight, I want you to e-mail the President of CBS and tell him what a jackass he is for taking my epic show off the air; and here’s his personal e-mail address”. Hopefully CBS server is big enough to handle the flood of e-mails that would result in that, one thing’s for sure it would be dam hard to ignore.

Now obviously Mr. Sheen doesn’t need anybody to tell him how to get publicity, he basically just has to be his crazy self, but I think this would not only make him a ton of money but also force CBS to have to cave into this mega star and whatever he demanded. Think about Charlie. I could be on a plane out to the Sober Valley Lodge by the end of the day. I’ll even bring my own two goddesses……. well, as soon as one gets out of rehab and the other can sober up long enough to get on a plane.

I’m a big time Survivor fan. Its my favorite show ever and has been since season 1. I feel a special attachment to the show since I’ve been there since day 1. My viewership has actually slaked a little bit these past couple years as my A.A. home group is the Men’s 5th Tradition and it meets on Thursdays at 8:00pm. The exact same time as Survivor. I’m committed to that meeting and since its my favorite meeting, I make a sacrifice. It’s almost Survivoresque the fact that in order to win I have to be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. I have slipped up a few times and ditched the meeting in order to watch Survivor, but not that many times. I basically see it coming down to 2 options for the future. Option 1 is I get a DVR so I can watch it whenever is convenient for me. Option 2 is that I slowly work my way up the hierarchy of the meeting and then rally enough support to get the meeting time moved up to 6:30.

I see a lot of parallels between my life and Survivor. I’ve even contemplated getting a Outwit, Outplay, Outlast tattoo but have yet to pull the trigger. My favorite person in the world of Survivor, is of course Jeff Probst. That guy is the fucking man. If I could have any job in the world, I would take his job. Its the greatest thing. You come swooping in on a helicopter like some golden god carrying chicken wings that people are just going to lose their minds over. The man even got two super hot chicks to get butt ass naked for some peanut butter. That man has power, and I crave power.

Now the reason I’m writing about this today is to talk a little about my favorite contestant of all-time. It might seem like an odd choice, and if you know anything about the show you already know who it is from the title of this piece. Today on Yahoo I saw a story entitled “Judge denies Richard Hatch’s “Survivor” reunion”, and I must admit I shed a tear. I’m a huge Richard Hatch fan. That guy was the man. He was such an enigma and full of contradiction that you never knew what he would do next. He was flaming gay and walked around the camp naked and flabby, just for the sheer effect of discomfort it evoked from the other people. No one else could really play the mental aspect of the game against him cause they were so distracted by his nakedness. At the same time though, he was a hell of an outdoorsman. He might seriously be the top gay spear fisherman in the world.

If you haven’t seen him in action you should do yourself a favor and go out and get Season 1 to watch it. Hatch over course won the grand prize, and will forever go down in Survivor history as the first Ultimate Survivor. Then after winning it, in total bad ass fashion he “forgot” to pay any taxes on the 1 million dollar prize. Its as if he thought “I’m Richard Motherfuckin Hatch, I don’t pay no stinkin taxes”.

So I’m sad to hear that the judge won’t allow Richard to leave the country to go to the Survivor Reunion. I don’t really understand why. I mean could they possible think that he’s a flight risk or something. The guy’s gonna be followed by cameras everywhere. He’s even served all his jail time and is now on home confinement. It seems as if the judge doesn’t want to see him dominate, like he knows he would.

He also bears a striking resemblance to the Most Interesting Man in the World from the Dos Equis commercials, hmm, maybe they based that on Richard Hatch.

So cheers to you Richard Hatch, my favorite gay naked man of all-time.

So I don’t want to break the hearts of anyone that’s been on a hiking trip in Alaska for the past couple of weeks, but Michael Jackson has died. Now he has left us with his legacy as well as non stop TV bombardment of his life. I get it, people are big fans and all. I on the other hand am a little burnt out on it. I have watched a bit and I will admit that all the weirdness about him at the end, did make me forget how great a musician he was.

Today I found an article in Rolling Stone that addresses something that I’ve been thinking about ever since Jacko went tits up. Wouldn’t it be awesome if he left the Beatles songs to Paul McCartney in his will?

Now in case you didn’t know, Michael Jackson owned all the royalties to the Beatles songs. He had bought them when they went up for auction, outbidding both Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono in the process. McCartney and Jackson had been good friends for awhile. The pair even collaborated together on the eighties hits The Girl is Mine and Say Say Say. The craziest part is that it was McCartney himself that told Jackson that song royalties was a good investment. I remember McCartney recounting in an interview that Jackson had told him “I’m gonna buy your songs”. At the time McCartney thought he was joking and laughed it off.

Of course Michael Jackson never jokes around. McCartney was pissed as hell when his supposed pal then went and outbid him for his own songs. Recently the rumor came out, even before Michael died, that he was going to leave his stake in the Beatles royalties to McCartney. Now that his will has been unearthed, we can see that those reports were false. Michael Jackson was unable to redeem himself in death.

Then reports came out that McCartney was pissed off about it. He then had to go and refute those reports, but I think I sense a wee bit of bitterness in the englishman’s tone.

“Some time ago, the media came up with the idea that Michael Jackson was going to leave his share in the Beatles songs to me in his will which was completely made up and something I didn’t believe for a second. Now the report is that I am devastated to find that he didn’t leave the songs to me. This is completely untrue,” McCartney writes. “I had not thought for one minute that the original report was true and therefore, the report that I’m devastated is also totally false, so don’t believe everything you read folks!”

“Though Michael and I drifted apart over the years, we never really fell out, and I have fond memories of our time together.”

The way this sounds to me is that McCartney knew that Michael Jackson was too much of a piece of shit to leave him his royalties back so of course he didn’t expect it to happen. Now don’t go and throw one of your hissy fits Michael Jackson fans, I’m just talking about the vibe I get from Sir Paul. I can assure you he’s trying to be as nice as possible when he’s talking about a guy who just died. I can assure you that he’s toning it down, way down. He’s English on top of that and you know how they try and polite things up to the utmost as well. I can tell the guy’s pissed off and he has ever right to be.

It turns out that Michael was in big time debt, and yes those songs are quite a valuable asset to have, but I think his own songs are going to be more than enough to not leave his children with ANY of that debt. It would have been quite the honorable thing for Michael to have left Paul those songs.

So with all this praise that’s going on about Michael, I thought I’d bring up something that wasn’t so nice. Obviously no one cares about the whole child molester stuff, but the man was a bad friend. Everything in this world can’t be strictly business. McCartney was supposed to be his friend and then the bastard went and stabbed him in the back.

Since McCartney’s too dam polite, or too dam English, to say it. I’m gonna go ahead and say it for him. Fuck you Michael Jackson. Your an asshole of a friend and stabbed my ass in the fuckin back. I knew you too well to even think that you would return the songs, that I poured my life into, to me. I’d tell you to kiss my pasty white ass, but I think you’d enjoy that too much!