So it’s been almost a year since I’ve written anything on here and for that I apologize. My life has been kinda a mess and when I’m not right my writing usually slacks. Things are getting back centered now and to commemorate this achievement I decided to write about a fellow who’s year has been kinda similar to mine, everyone’s current guilty pleasure Mr. Charlie Sheen.

Now unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple months, your well aware of Mr. Sheen’s current situation. I mean I swear the other morning I turned on the TV and he must have been on 6 different channels at the same time. I don’t even think the President’s State of the Union address gets that kinda coverage. Let’s face it, Charlie Sheen is hot as fire right now. I think even the Dos Equis guy would agree at this point that Charlie Sheen is actually the real most interesting man in the world. The more amazing part is he’s this scalding for basically being out of his mind. Now normally the whole American phenomenon of loving to watch train wrecks leads to a fairly short lived period of fascination, Sheen’s however is showing remarkable staying power. Just last night Dateline NBC devoted an entire episode to the people’s favorite raving lunatic.

Charlie Sheen has captured the heart of this country. Lots of people love him, lots of people hate him, but one thing you can be sure of is that hardly anyone is indifferent towards him. The other day I went over to visit my great grandmother and there was Charlie Sheen on the TV in her room. Now this woman is 96 years old and doesn’t even speak English. No worries though, our good friends at Univision had her covered.

Now this is a guy were talking about here who already had the most popular sitcom on television and his popularity is increasing everyday. Yet those executives at CBS decided to pull the plug on that show, at least for this season. Sheen of course did not take that lightly and has embarked on an epic media blitz denouncing both CBS and the show’s creator Chuck Lorre (or the “earthworm” or “maggot” as Charlie lovingly refers to him). CBS faced with all this negative publicity has caved in a little to Mr. Sheen’s demands agreeing to pay the crew for 4 of the remaining 8 episodes, but the station is mostly sticking to its guns. This to me seems inconceivable. Can you possibly imagine the ratings a new episode of Two and a Half Men would get right now, I mean we could be talking Super Bowl like numbers.

The real question here is how long can Charlie keep on the front page and first news segments? I think that the time is coming for him to crank it up a notch here. Now I know that he only has one gear, GO, but there has to be different levels of go. This popularity can not keep up at the ridiculous pace its on right now. While he was the star of the #1 show on television, Mr. Sheen didn’t even have a Twitter account. Last week he decided to start one and had over 1 million followers the very first day. That was a record growth pace for Twitter that even President Obama didn’t have when he started his account. As one of my good friends always says “It’s way better to have a million friends than a million dollars”.

My advice to Charlie is to embark on a one man show tour across this country. He could sell out arenas in every major city and in every big college town. People would be lined up right now to listen to Charlie just do what he does live. The merchandise sales alone would be staggering. Having lived in Gainesville, I know that he could pack the O’Connell Center no problem. The University also couldn’t have any problem with him being there, because after all Mr. Sheen’s is not on drugs and has the tests to prove it. He has personally validated my long standing claim that you don’t have to keep doing drugs to keep your crazy.

I could also guarantee that the next day at class everyone would be walking around with shirts emblazoned with any of the vast multitude of new catchphrases that Mr. Sheen was injected into the fiber of America’s current being. “Winning” shirts would be flying off the racks. “Tiger Blood” hats would be covering up everything from dreads to bald spots across the country.

This tour would also give Sheen a platform to crank up the pressure on CBS even more. Imagine if he got up before a packed crowd of drunken college students and told them “Now when you guys go back to your dorms tonight, I want you to e-mail the President of CBS and tell him what a jackass he is for taking my epic show off the air; and here’s his personal e-mail address”. Hopefully CBS server is big enough to handle the flood of e-mails that would result in that, one thing’s for sure it would be dam hard to ignore.

Now obviously Mr. Sheen doesn’t need anybody to tell him how to get publicity, he basically just has to be his crazy self, but I think this would not only make him a ton of money but also force CBS to have to cave into this mega star and whatever he demanded. Think about Charlie. I could be on a plane out to the Sober Valley Lodge by the end of the day. I’ll even bring my own two goddesses……. well, as soon as one gets out of rehab and the other can sober up long enough to get on a plane.