I see a lot of parallels between my life and Survivor. I’ve even contemplated getting a Outwit, Outplay, Outlast tattoo but have yet to pull the trigger. My favorite person in the world of Survivor, is of course Jeff Probst. That guy is the fucking man. If I could have any job in the world, I would take his job. Its the greatest thing. You come swooping in on a helicopter like some golden god carrying chicken wings that people are just going to lose their minds over. The man even got two super hot chicks to get butt ass naked for some peanut butter. That man has power, and I crave power.

Now the reason I’m writing about this today is to talk a little about my favorite contestant of all-time. It might seem like an odd choice, and if you know anything about the show you already know who it is from the title of this piece. Today on Yahoo I saw a story entitled “Judge denies Richard Hatch’s “Survivor” reunion”, and I must admit I shed a tear. I’m a huge Richard Hatch fan. That guy was the man. He was such an enigma and full of contradiction that you never knew what he would do next. He was flaming gay and walked around the camp naked and flabby, just for the sheer effect of discomfort it evoked from the other people. No one else could really play the mental aspect of the game against him cause they were so distracted by his nakedness. At the same time though, he was a hell of an outdoorsman. He might seriously be the top gay spear fisherman in the world.

If you haven’t seen him in action you should do yourself a favor and go out and get Season 1 to watch it. Hatch over course won the grand prize, and will forever go down in Survivor history as the first Ultimate Survivor. Then after winning it, in total bad ass fashion he “forgot” to pay any taxes on the 1 million dollar prize. Its as if he thought “I’m Richard Motherfuckin Hatch, I don’t pay no stinkin taxes”.

So I’m sad to hear that the judge won’t allow Richard to leave the country to go to the Survivor Reunion. I don’t really understand why. I mean could they possible think that he’s a flight risk or something. The guy’s gonna be followed by cameras everywhere. He’s even served all his jail time and is now on home confinement. It seems as if the judge doesn’t want to see him dominate, like he knows he would.

He also bears a striking resemblance to the Most Interesting Man in the World from the Dos Equis commercials, hmm, maybe they based that on Richard Hatch.

So cheers to you Richard Hatch, my favorite gay naked man of all-time.